Sext-Messaging

Let's check in on the text message count:

1. "Hey my bday is Friday. Vox for cocktails around 9p.m., come down if you're around." -- An old Kells co-worker that I loved dearly. However, I refuse to set foot in Vox.

2. "Humpty Dumpty sat on the bed, Lil Bo Peep was giving him head, Soon as he came, She started to weep, She knew by the taste, He'd been fucking her sheep." -- Thaaaanks for the nursery rhyme. So I assume.. you're sending this to me... Why??

3. "I don't want to call someone else." -- Thanks Tommy Pickles, I love you too.

4. "I'll sleep in the bed." -- And where else would you sleep? The floor? The doormat?

5. "Well the baby daddy yes, the other is a very funny story." -- My best girl back in New York keeping me informed on the daily ins and outs of my past.

6. "Guess who is pregnant." -- From my very own Mother. I thought she was going to tell me a.) she was pregnant, b.) my sister was pregnant, but I was wrong. Thank God.

7.) "Frustrated with people who flake, that's all." -- That's from NYC Army Brat, who gets mad because unfortunately I don't have time to run down to NYC every other weekend, yet he can't come to Boston.

8.) "Watch our mouth, you little troublemaker." -- How about you don't try to choke me to death?

9.) "Nah, you don't have to say nothing. I doubt KDoll has a girlfriend." -- Oh, no girlfriend... just a baby momma drama... And continuing, "I don't know what KDoll knows about you, I didn't know you two knew each other." -- Oh awesome, at least he doesn't know how I know you.

10.) "All right, tell her about my youthful balls, that will sell her." -- My ex, talking about his ballsack directed towards my roommate.

11.) "And how do you know if I've gotten with a lot of girls?" -- Because I was sleeping over and you invited someone else over.. like I wouldn't know she was downstairs?

12.) "Are you too good for the Avenue?" -- No, are you too much of a jerk to tell people we hooked up when we didn't?

13.) "Go outside and call me back." -- How about you go inside and call your anorexic girlfriend and I'll get back to hating McFadden's?

14.) "You wanna get naked after." -- No. No. and No.

15.) "What's good kidd, what you all girls doin?" -- I'm not a kid-d, and we're doing something you're not invited to. Clearly.

16.) "Stop being so dramatic." -- I am dramatic.

17.) "You should definitely hook up with him." -- My ex telling me to hook up with his best friend. What is this... Swinger-World?

18.) "Damn, I'm jealous I'm sober and lonely." -- I'd say either a.) "Hello right hand," or b.) "Hello girl who takes it from the back in my class," because I know you've got both on speed-dial.

19.) "How come you don't send me videos." -- Because you're engaged, and because I've known that for the 4 years we've hung out. Done. Done. Done.

20.) "You're a nut slob." -- And... Every day I Thank God you don't live on the East Coast anymore.